Your August Horoscopes.
Aries
This is a hectic time for you, maybe things are changing and you’re finding it hard to adjust to everything going on. Or maybe nothing is changing but you just feel like you can’t cope with life. If so, welcome to the club. We meet every night and think about all our regrets while falling asleep. The hard work you put in this month will pay off though, which is nice a reassuring to know that even if you can’t cope with life, eventually you may get better at it!
Taurus
This is a great month for you, which is rare because we all know how stubborn you can be. You’ve spent a lot of time working things out and finding what’s best for you and it’s all coming up millhouse! Take some time to enjoy everything in your life, but don’t get too cocky and ruin everything again. It’s a tough balance.
Gemini
My dear, the beginning of this month is a bit rough for you. I’m not even sorry though, because we all know how sassy Gemini’s can be. This is probably just karma for that time you talked shit behind Karen’s back for eating your yogurt. But don’t worry too much, things are set to pick up by the end of the month, and you'll start to realise that you have it pretty good. Like, did you know that some people actually pay for a cream that whitens your armpits? People are crazy, and you're doing okay.
Cancer
The beginning of the month is looking pretty good for you, well done! We’re talking everything from career, happiness to even love! Ever thought that you couldn’t have it all? Well, seems like this month you can. However, when I say that you’ll have it all, I mean you will have it ALL. Which means there will also be drama with your relationships too. By now, we all know that even when you feel like life is working out, it’s probably not, so that’s nice.
Leo
If you’re feeling like your heads in the clouds a little, come back down the earth with all the rest of the sad star-signs and get your shit together. You really need to focus on finances for a little bit here because I think you had too many ‘Treat Yourself’ days and it’s getting out of control, man. If you watch your spending a little you will be rewarded at the end of the month, we can only hope it’s not with your own savings account, we know what you’re like.
Virgo
According to the stars, in the beginning of the month you are just a total powerhouse. But knowing you, you feel like you could be doing better. This mindset needs to change and you need to focus on the fact that you’re actually doing great! Nothing can stop you this month! You can even hang out with a Gemini and maintain your sanity! You’ve also got the potential for a romance mid-month! But it’s important you choose wisely, don’t choose a bloody Gemini that’s for sure.
Libra
This month you need to pursue all those weird ideas you get that you think no one will care about. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s pointless or not, it’s about getting out there and doing it. Remember that time you were drunk and thought of a great way to fix Capitalism? Or the time where you realised the true meaning of ‘The Lion King’? Tell a friend! Share the good news! Stop holding yourself back because you think no one will care! It’s super important for you to start sharing these ideas because very soon they will be needed.
Scorpio
This month might bring a little bit of a challenge for you. If you feel like you’ve been doing really well lately it might be hard to keep up with the good work you’ve been doing. It’s important to keep these things up because mid-month you’re really going to need to have a good balance sorted already. In saying that though, don’t stress! Treat yourself! Sprinkle some happiness in your life like horoscopes are sprinkled with contradictions!
Sagittarius
This month you’re going to be feeling a bit annoyed. And I mean, who blames you? Everything in the developed world is annoying. Do I need to remind you that people still pay to see Justin Bieber? Or that the Tiny Teddy’s packs just got 20% smaller? It’s an absolute disaster of a society. Your annoyance at humanity in general will get better towards the end of the month. However, in the meantime, be careful not to make enemies.
Capricorn
You’ve seemed to hit the ‘mid-year-I-need-to-start-doing-something-with-my-life’ phase and honestly you’re doing it pretty well. So, stop having long showers thinking about how overwhelming your life has become and keep up the good work. Plan something social as well, a party maybe? A ball? A revolt against the government? Whatever you feel like might spice your life up a lil’ bit.
Aquarius
This month for you, independence is your theme. Which is horoscope talk for it’s okay to be a loner, stay in your pyjamas all weekend and maybe even start drinking at 10 am. Of course, this also means your love-life will die down a little, that’s only if you had one in the first place. If you didn’t, it will just be like your normal single life for another month! Which can be seen as unfortunate, but also another season of the ‘Bachelor Australia’ just started so you’ll be okay. Focus on yourself and your career instead. Take a bath and RSVP to a protest on Facebook so your friends know that you’re doing better than them.
Pisces
So, this month is all about relationships for you. If you’re in a relationship currently, you may be considering whether you’re happy or not, or maybe whether this relationship is beneficial for the both of you. If you’re not in a relationship, you’ll probably find yourself obsessing over someone who doesn’t know you. Which is unfortunate, of course, but you’re too invested now and you’ve already planned out the questions you’re going to ask their aunt about their trip to Portugal last June. So you’re basically in this one for the long run. Either way, you’ll spend sometime this month drinking a bottle of wine in the bathtub. Relationships are fun!
