Your June Horoscopes.
Aries
Babe, you need to work on your communication this month. It seems you’ve been lacking in good connections lately. Whether that’s been spending time with people you don’t like, or spending time with no one, it needs to change. Text a pal, start arguments with people in Facebook comments or download Tinder. It’s time to start connecting with people worth your time.
Taurus
You’ve just been planning on something big haven’t you? You’re working super hard and it seems to really be tiring you out and you might have had a little cry on the weekend over someone eating your ice-cream, BUT THAT’S OKAY. Just take the first half of June to finish all your projects and relax, because in the second half you’ll be feeling passionate about something else and all the stress will start again, fun, isn’t it?
Gemini
This is going to be a great month for you, which is surprising because like Trump’s government, horoscopes are rarely really positive. Just have a wonderful time this month! Don’t stress! You’re doing great! And you’re feeling pretty stable this month which is probably the only time someone in 2017 has felt that way, so like good on you but we all hate you.
Cancer
You’ve got a life lesson coming your way, which in horoscope language it means you’re basically screwed, no stopping this disaster. But hey! You will learn from it! Isn’t that great? Your love life is also rocky, which isn’t too great either but you learn from it so it’s ALL OKAY. Basically all you need to know is some shit things will happen but it’s for a reason because life is cruel like that.
Leo
This month you’ve been blessed with some great ideas. These ideas are everywhere, in your career, family life and love life. Remember that time you were drunk and cried about the fact that whenever you ate a mango your face would get all dirty? This is the kind of month where you realise that YOU CAN EAT A MANGO IN THE SHOWER AND SAVE THE MESS. Quite frankly, these ideas are lifesaving, just think of the opportunities.
Virgo
Mate, you’re having the quintessential Virgo month. You know how you hold all those things in and it eventually bottles up and you spend a day in your room writing in your journal about how much you hate certain people? Yeah, you need to stop that. Make sure you speak up when something is annoying you this month, you need to get a backbone.
Libra
Oh my god you guys, you’re giving off such lovely energy this month! Your friends and loved ones always appreciate your kind heart, but why aren’t you taking on that great energy too? You’re always focusing on how to makes others happy, you don’t realise how great you are! Take a break, have a bath and some cheap white wine and take a real good look at yourself and say “I am just so much better than Donald Trump.”
Scorpio
You’re just a little rebel doing everything last minute aren’t you? Yeah, that’s going to hit you hard this month. You’re usually really good at getting away with it, but it’s going to start taking a toll on your sanity. Stop hurting yourself with doing that report the night before, plan things out and stop writing your essays drunk, okay?
Sagittarius
This is your month to be independent, which is great because now you’re suddenly not just a loner, but you’re an independent woman who can’t be tamed! Go to the movies by yourself, hang out and Netflix and chill by yourself, have a sleepover by yourself! Basically just all the things you usually do by yourself but with the mind set of being independent.
Capricorn
You’ve got a lot of wise words to say this month, and everyone’s going to want to hear your opinion, and make use of it because we all know you love the attention, who doesn’t? You’re basically Oprah and Doctor Phil all in one, and when you’re done with being the voice of your generation, you can become Kellyanne Conway.
Aquarius
Your love life is spicing up, which means you’re either just trying new things or just desperately trying to revive your relationship, who knows. If you need something to really shake up your love life, why not try some affirmations? One of my favourite is “Love is a social construct that will only result in deep self-loathing.”
Pieces
This month feels like a bit of a foggy daze for you, and to be honest, for anyone else who also feels like the American political scape feels more like a post-apocalyptic movie than real life. But hey, that’s cool, what can we do besides pray. Stay faithful my Pieces friends, for you are lucky that you don’t have to wait 4 years for things to get better, things will pick back up by the end of the month.
