Thought Process of Going to IKEA
1. You came for one thing and one thing only, you promise yourself you will not stray from your plan. In and out. Simple.
2. Before you even reach the store entrance, you see the bright yellow and blue walls, and you realise you know now the true meaning of the song ‘Best Day of My Life.”
3. You’re practically forced to go through the Showroom first, which means you may as well start planning your future dream home.
4. You take some time to chill out on the Dagstrorp couch and reflect on whether you should get the Standmon armchair for your dream bedroom or your dream lounge-room. You think about what sort of books you should display on your coffee table to show the newly found motivated and organised you.
5. You stand in a display kitchen for longer than any human needs to, thinking about the sweet Swedish family who would live here and how you can get a life like that. Then once you go to make tea, you realise the sad reality that this Swedish kitchen is not yours.
6. You somehow always get stuck looking at the kid’s section and low-key wanting something from there.
7. You make it out of the Showroom alive in only a few hours, which is pretty much record time.
8. By this time, you’re fluent in Swedish furniture names and feel confident in starting a furniture based conversation.
9. You stop to get Meatballs.
10. Once you reach the Market Hall you know the end is in sight, you just have to get through this, and then you're out.
11. There’s always someone going the wrong way, disturbing the flow and ignoring the arrows with recklessness, which just makes you embarrassed for them.
12. You pick up a few items that aren't on your list, but you definitely NEED them.
13. You forget to get the things you actually came for and have to walk back past all the arrows you followed so carefully to get here. Karma is a bitch.
14. You eventually find the things you need and start to head to the end. At this point, you have no idea how long you've been in IKEA. It's like a time warp or like when you get out of the movies and it's dark, and it somehow messes with your whole idea of time, space, and gravity.
15. You make it to the end and swear that you’ll never go back but you also pick up a catalogue for future viewing.
